Churls on the Alps

Darwin Whitecrest, assistant to Sultan Periwinkle,

That last correspondence took my breath away. To think that Lady Rosewater had unwittingly faced such dangers in the alps! I broke the news to Kitty and told her of Zinovy Milchovy’s death and the double that has replaced him. She appeared to be entirely unfazed—and this time I could not blame it on her recent botox injections. Her response on this subject was this “He was a churl back in the old days when we first met and he was a churl on our trip to the alps. How could I have known the difference?”

He was always an murderer of manners, I suppose, but she did admit to wistful regret on the subject of his death. You see, their impolite friendship grew out of an uncomfortable romance in the early sixties. (They met at one of her vodka parties in Minsk- she called it the only true party for the people.)

Simone Vicaduer will be dealt with by our people in the only way we know how—by insisting on some light cosmetic surgery which will inevitable reveal her true stature and sex. (No one can refuse a free trip to the Rosewater clinic in the Republic of Turkey.) Once she is under the cocoa and pomegranate mask at our spa, we will break her satellite connection with one of our strategic laser rifles, which was left behind on one of our favorite moon-buggies in the 1970s.

Why do I tell you of our plan? Because we are official partners and I trust you implicitly. We should reveal all to each other and yet the time constraints....all I can say is that yes, I speak an estimated 32 languages, living and dead, and believe that cosmetic enhancement is more than skin deep when applied correctly. I am also an adventurer, of sorts, much like yourself.

Sincerely,

Anastasia van Orange, communications advisor and assistant to Lady Rosewater