Thursday, June 14, 2007

Butlers and Mind Control

Dear Darwin Whitecrest,

I would like to provide you with an update about our dealings with the E.C.F.O.T.C.U.N.A.N.A., which I will now call "Satellite Army" for short. The plan that we so intricately worked out has indeed gone awry. Zinovy Milchovy a.k.a. Simone Vicaduer was tipped off to our spa plans and has disappeared from the international scene. I cannot blame anyone other than myself although it is tempting to blame the butler.

You see, butlers, maids, and cooks are essential to the workings at the Kitty Rosewater estates. Each are screened for psychological abnormalities and given 2-3 years of training in martial arts, espionage, and the art of invisibility. Apparently, back in 1985, we accidentally enrolled one Gerard Butler into the program. You may know him as the character of Dracula in "Dracula 2000" or King Leonidas from "300." He was scooped up in the hills of Scotland during a training exercise and placed into the butler regiment due to a last name mix up. He left for a film career once the training was complete and we lost track of his unofficial whereabouts.

Little did we know that the Satellite Army would recruit Mr. Butler. He and the impostor, Mme. Vicaduer, responded to the same mind-controlling frequencies in orbit around the Moon. But the signs were all there in the titles of his movies. In fact, 2000 + 300= 2300, which is the atomic number for Plexybutanol-hydrate-cosmostic-matterum!

Using our very own tools of infiltration against us, Gerard Butler apparently squeezed into a very tight lab coat and went undetected for three days, posing as a building pillar in our Rosewater Clinic on the Bosphorus. He was able to warn Mme. Vicaduer of our plans to expose her true nature. Fortunately we were able to knock out one of the Moon orbiting satellites and break the mind controlling connection from both operatives. Score 2 for the Rosewater camp!

Keep your eyes open for stray operatives in and around Armand's estates. I fear that the Satellite Army controlled more than these two spies.

Take care,

Anastasia van Orange

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